If I Were President

1) I would pay our soldiers, sailors and marines what congressmen now earn and I would provide them with upscale housing with all the amenities. I would pay congressmen what the military now earn.

2) I would direct my AG to issue "prayer in public venue" guidelines that would explain how to allow prayer and avoid lawsuits. I would pardon violators and prosecute oppressors.

3) I would direct our military to win conflicts in which we're engaged with overwhelming, ceaseless, remorseless force.

4) I would order the poppy fields in Afghanistan destroyed and poisoned. I would order the cocaine producing jungles of Colombia destroyed and poisoned.

5) I would jail newspaper reporters and editors who permit the printing of leaked national security matters.

6) I would order immediate opening of drilling offshore and in national parks. Leases would be auctioned and income would go to the treasury of the adjacent state. There is no such thing as government land. Public land must be returned to the people through a trust.

7) I would order construction of geothermal plants in Yellowstone, I would order fasttrack construction of nuclear plants.

8) I would close the Department of Education, and a couple others, and subcontract the USPS to private industry run by a board - per the US Constitution.

9) I would sign legislation making it illegal to have a union in any government agency.

10) I would liberate Cuba and put Castro(s) and their minions on trial. I would arm the Cuban resistance and immediately move into South America to rid the continent of Marxists - and I mean rid them. I would then offer Cuba the process of Statehood. This is our hemisphere.

11) I would do whatever it takes to restore the nation's agricultural production so that it becomes our greatest export. Food can be a weapon with which we shape world opinion, and a blessing by which we communicate our American ideals.

12) I would work with the Congress to redistrict congressional districts and all federal courts in order to reduce their size and decrease their provincialism.

13) I would reject government regulations that attempt to control the behavior of sane people on the basis of the behaviors of the insane. Therefore, I will order that suspicious classes of people be searched at airports and not everyone including Swedish Lutheran grandmothers.

14) I would de-regulate every industry, create industry boards and hold those boards personally liable for their conduct.

15) I would end the Federal Reserve Bank, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, et al. I would re-establish a monetary standard based on an equivalent holding of a precious asset such as gold.

16) I would end the US relationship with the United Nations.

17) I would re-establish the Union of States philosophy of the founders in order to reduce the size of the Federal government by a factor of 4 or 5.

18) I would pardon anyone convicted of violating any law abridging their absolute freedom to carry a personal firearm unless that person was previously a convicted felon.

19) I would pardon anyone convicted of violating any law abridging their absolute freedom to say even the most objectionable thing imaginable or to practice their religion. Similarly, I would remove protection under the 1st amendment for political or cultural organizations masquerading as religions.

20) I would end the IRS and collect only a national sales tax on new purchases.

21) I would order the following investigations:

ACORN with regard to RICO violations

Climategate and global warming as a conspiracy to use government

to build personal wealth.

The personal background of Barack Obama and his affiliates.

The protections offered to media when media collaborates in promoting demonstrable lies promulgated by the government. Shield laws, for example.

22) I would move the US Embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem and I would end the senseless attempts to carve up parts of Israel to give to the Arabs. We wouldn't tolerate another country coming over here and telling us who to give our land to, why should the Israelis?

23) I would set up immigration offices in Mexico and require all Mexicans to register there for an expedited hi tech immigration ID. Illegals in the US would be required to register in Mexico. Aggressive deportation of illegals to the border would begin immediately.

24) I would put troops on the border and I would consider illegal crossing to be - by definition - an invasion.

25) I would sign legislation that denied the privilege of voting to those receiving welfare until six months had passed since they had received an assistance check.

26) I would sign legislation that prohibited legislators or jurists from receiving any benefits not enjoyed by other citizens including special health care, transportation and franking.

27) I would sign legislation reforming intellectual property laws. The government shouldn't be leveling the playing field, markets should.

28) I would personally conduct a 13-week class (with the help of Newt Gingrich), via videotape, on the conservative principals that founded this country for the purpose of winning back the hearts and minds of America's youth.

29) I would work with a cadre of Conservative Black leaders to break through the liberal lies that have been sold to America's Blacks and help them to rise above the subjugation that the left prefers for them.

30) I would restore America's rail system by integrating high-speed rails systems along our Interstate Highway system.

31) I would restore the balance of power among the three branches of federalism by being more assertive and less submissive to the legislature and courts.

32) I would sign legislation making the penalties for any legislator, executive or jurist violating the law by corruption of office or official oppression extremely severe, and to include loss of pension and benefits.